I don’t have a mental diagnosis- but I probably should. How is that for a starter?
This is called “side work”- everyone in the industry does it, and I don’t know a single person that really enjoys it. Yet it gets done, week after week, and shirking on it incurs the wrath of everyone who doesn’t.
Side work is the gross, slimy, unpleasant stuff that isn’t part of YOUR job, but it’s part of THE job- and it has to be done.
Many of my favorite writers and cooks lived this lifestyle. Generations of young cooks and I aspired to it.
It would kill us, if we let it.
Self-care is a vital part of living that often gets nudged to the side. Especially for those of us with stressful occupations, it not only goes by the wayside but often replaced with other unhealthy behaviors- alcohol, drugs, obsessions, addictions, anything that will dull the pain we carry and help us forget that something is deeply wrong.
Facing these parts of our lives are unpleasant. They are uncomfortable. We don’t like to feel weak. We don’t like to admit we might need help- that we can’t hack it on our own.
It’s gross and unpleasant, but it needs to be done. It’s our side work for ourselves- and too many of us let it slide for too long. We idolize people who keep functioning in the mess they make of their lives- and we have the nerve to be surprised and saddened when one of us lets it go too far and “shut themselves down-” permanently.
I probably should. I maintain healthy-enough habits to manage and reduce stress: hobbies outside the kitchen, exercising, writing. All the same, I owe it to my craft, to my wife, and to myself to acknowledge when things are getting to rough and I need a hand.
I don’t complain when I have to scrub down a steel table. Scraping forgotten food out of a Cambro isn’t a problem either.
Making a call, sitting in a chair, and talking to someone about my life shouldn’t be nearly as rough as that. We really need to stop acting like it is- and not let others feel the less for doing so.
It’s okay to not be okay.