CW: Discussion of health, weight, body image, diet

A few years back, I wrote a book- my first book, in fact– about losing weight and getting in shape. I used my own story, half-baked methods, understanding and experience to explain just how I did it. For the time, it was all good advice. What I failed to mention, however, is what can happen when your health, your brain, and forces your can’t hope to control take your feet out from under you.

It’s easy and glib to say “Keep trying, don’t give up, tomorrow’s another day” and the rest. It’s true as well, but it’s not the whole truth. Life comes at you fast.

Consider this post and a few others before, then, as something like an epilogue to “Blood, Sweat, and Butter.” Marie Kondo famously recanted some of her tidiness dictums because she realized that they aren’t possible for someone with kids, like she became after writing her books. I’m not necessarily recanting anything I wrote… but I’m definitely throwing up a few asterisks.

What Happened?

Those of you who’ve been reading this blog for a while might know I’ve had a hell of a last several years. We all did. Here’s a few bullet points to sum it up on my end-

• My mental health suffered and briefly collapsed. In the middle of a pandemic at a job that was eroding my energy and strength, I had several anxiety and panic attacks. My coping mechanisms- which included running and exercise- failed me, and I began doing them to the point of arguable self-harm. I went to therapy and got on medication to control my anxiety and depression. My relationship with exercise had to change, and my aging body had to account for a medication that includes “carb cravings and weight gain” as side effects.
• My physical health suffered. Three bouts of COVID and two kidney surgeries to correct a congenital condition. Each illness and surgery functionally required a fitness reset.
• Loss of routine led to losing good habits. I started over-eating during COVID and drinking more. Not to the point of having a Problem, but enough where my body began demonstrating concerns. The stress of navigating the culinary industry is not kind to anyone’s mind OR body, especially in times of global chaos.

Where Do I Stand Now?

As of this writing, I weigh about 245 pounds. I am not the heaviest I ever was, and I likely won’t be (I’ll get to that in a bit,) but it’s quite a bit more than my 165lbs goal weight from 13 years ago. Arguably, it wouldn’t be healthy for me to be that light again. I am no longer 27, and weight loss will not be so easy and simple for me now as it was when I wrote the book.

I am a bit more stiff than I used to be and I need to remember to stretch more, but my knees and lower back don’t hurt anywhere near as badly as they used to when I was heavier. That itself is a blessing.

I go to the gym two days a week, and I’m attempting to go more (particularly the couple of days after work that I have the car and can bring a gym bag with me.) It doesn’t always work out, but I always try again the next time. You always have time for what you make time for. When I’m at the gym, most of my time is spent lifting weights. My cardio is usually the walk to the gym (on days off from work) or when it’s a “deload” day. With the weather turning warmer, I want to get myself back into condition to run again.

My eating is back under control, and I no longer stress eat. My metabolism is pretty out of whack from trying to keep to a deficit for so long and (of course) simply getting older. Losing weight will not be easy for me, but I keep trying anyway.

One thing I have had to come to grips with is that while I am no longer as slim as I was, I have the body of someone who is my age AND can do all the things I can do. I’m not 165 pounds anymore, but I am:

• Someone who can work 12 hours shifts in the kitchen at nearly 40 without pain afterward. Exhaustion yes, but not the debilitating pain I had as an EMT.
• Much stronger than I used to be. Working out with sandbags was and is great functional strength training, and it helped me maintain muscle tone while losing weight. My weightlifting regimen now means that I am actually stronger. I deadlift 335 lbs for reps. I bench 180, and back squat 210. It’s one thing to be able to casually load 50 lbs bags of flour into my bins without effort. Muscles have weight and take up space too.

I would still like to drop my body fat percentage, which is currently in the mid-30s. That will happen with diet, patience, and time- but I’m doing everything else well enough.

Updates I’d Make to “Blood, Sweat, and Butter”

I mention calorie counting using an app called MyFitnessPal. When I started with it and was writing the book, it was a great free app that helped me immensely. Since it was acquired by Under Armor, however, more and more of its best functions were thrown behind an increasingly expensive paywall. Now I am using an app called Chronometer that’s every MFP used to be.

My old strength and calisthenics routines are still good, but I would definitely throw some yoga into the mix. If you choose to go with more traditional strength training, I now use the Starting Strength system, a.k.a. the 5-3-1 Cycle. It has helped me build strength in the gym faster and more reliably than my old “do whatever feels right, try to circuit” approach in the gym. It has an app that makes tracking your progress and the calculations involved easy and is (mostly) free.

Do I Recant Anything?

The nature of science, progress, and development is that you eventually learn to do things better than you thought you did. Everything I said in those books was as correct as I knew at the time. We’re not following diet advice from the 1800s anymore for the same reasons. As for the methodology and philosophies I put down… all I can say is that they worked for me. Others results may and have varied- including my own later in life.

The only things I am willing to guarantee from the book- and the things I still hold true to myself- are

1. The Ten Words: YOU ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR WHAT YOU MAKE TIME FOR.
2. Keep trying. If something’s not working, change tactics- not the goal.
3. Work toward your own happiness and comfort, not others approval. Honor everything your body can do and has done for you.

I’m still working on myself, all these years later. I hope you are too.

Stay Classy,