Having a “gratitude” mindset, a “gratitude” practice, or an “attitude of gratitude” can sound and feel a little weird. For myself at least, I like the idea of mindfulness a bit more just because being mindful inevitably involves being grateful- for everything, every moment, every unique second of your life- without leaning into overly humble-sounding BS.

Maybe it’s a bit of a linguistic trick, but follow me on this- it’s hard to take things for granted when you realize they won’t last forever.

The Day After A Bad Day

Since I wrote my last post, I’ve tried to greet good things, experiences, and moments with those affirmations statements I mentioned: “This is good. This is worth saving. This is worth enduring all the rest.” Since I’ve started doing that, though- taking a moment to recognize good things and recognizing their value to me- I’ve had to confront and honor their impermanence.

When my cat Cleo wakes me up early by meowing in my ear and running across my chest, her back claws digging slightly into my skin in what has proven to be an excellent means of getting Daddy out of bed, it’s normal for me to feel annoyed. After breakfast, when she proceeds to use my arm as a body pillow during meditation and turn into a purring little voidloaf, it’s easier to look down at her and say “This is good, this is worth saving, this is worth enduring all the rest.”

Even if everything in this world goes right, however, one day she will die. It will be sad, and not only will I be grateful for all of the snuggly voidloaf moments I got to have with her, but I will be willing to give anything to have her run across my chest at 3AM just one more time. Any of us who love or have loved anything (or anyone) in our lives will eventually face the day when we’ll wonder why their food dish is still full, or we’ll go to call someone and tell them something they’d get a real kick out of- and it will hit us that we now must live in a world without them, and it will hurt.

This isn’t meant to be a downer, though I’m sure your pets and loved ones appreciate the love and affection you might be giving them right now, teary-eyed or otherwise. What it is is a demonstration that Mindfulness and Gratitude go hand in hand. When you make the choice to recognize the small beautiful moments in your life, you inevitably acknowledge their fleeting nature, and it makes you love them more. It doesn’t magically make you into a Buddha or extinguish pain, anger, or rage inside you- at least it hasn’t for me. It will, however, teach you patience and encourage you to deal more kindly with those around you.

Forbidding Joy

In contrast, it’s easy to let this reflection slip into depression and nihilism by telling yourself “Everything’s going to die one day, so nothing matters. No point in finding joy in anything. I’m just gonna lose it and it’ll hurt more.” The Buddha also says that attachments cause pain- best just not to attach yourself to anything. Brene Brown calls this “forbidding joy”- when we refuse to let ourselves enjoy or celebrate anything because the second shoe is about to drop, or a big push is coming and we don’t want to lose momentum. At a moment of beauty and joy, we realize just how much there is to lose and we actively refuse happiness because we think it’ll make that surely-right-around-the-corner misfortune hurt less.

Forbidding Joy doesn’t make bad times hurt less- it just makes the good times less good. Just because nothing lasts forever doesn’t mean nothing matters. Quite the opposite- it’s because nothing lasts forever that makes it all the more meaningful.

This coming Thursday is Thanksgiving in the US. Gratitude is pretty hard to put your finger on (with any sincerity) in the world we find ourselves in now. That is until we give ourselves permission to zoom in and tackle life and living on the micro level.

It’s still not perfect. Nothing is. Definitely not at the macro, “State of the World” level. One person can’t do much for that but bang your head against the wall and try to render yourself numb and blind to all of reality’s horrors.

What you can do, though, is treat your pets, your friends, your loved ones, and everyone you meet as if you may never see them again. You can put yourself as wholly as possible into those good moments and burn them into your brain. Zoom in to every detail, lock it in your memory with photographic detail. Love everything and stop taking anything for granted. That is the definition of Gratitude.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable,” said C.S. Lewis, and we will all suffer pain- but the more of these good moments we have locked in our minds, the more we have to comfort us, inspire us to create a better world, and be that source of comfort and kindness for others.

Stay Classy,