Back when I first moved to Portland, I was really only familiar with the West side. It’s where my work was, it was the bustling metropolis half where I figured all in the interesting and cool stuff was, and I never really need to cross the Willamette until I got a job in Southeast. Soon after we moved nearby chasing better rent and livability than the suburban hell of Beaverton could offer.

Back then, I was confused and disappointed by the lack of bars with late hours and wondered where Portlands reputation as a drinking town came from. Unless that was limited to beer geeks with thick glasses, beards and flannel, I hadn’t seen a single bar open past 10pm in marked contrast to the local watering holes I was used to even in the suburbs of Atlantic City.

I’m bellied-up to the bar at Holman’s, a recent revived institution of the Laurelhurst neighborhood in Southeast. Posters proudly proclaim their new operating hours- Noon to 2:30am, Monday through Friday. Saturday and Sunday they open at 8 to snag the weekend brunch crowd, but still stay open till 2:30 in the morning to welcome the folks that don’t need a special meal to justify day drinking (or night, for that matter.)

What am I having? A martini. The classic. The eternal. The classy. The basic. Dry and dirty, stirred, served in a coupe glass with a vermouth wash (I should have specified that I like the vermouth left in. If I want vermouth-scented gin, I’ll ask for it- but I’m not gonna be That Guy who causes problems in local bars.)

I had a martini yesterday too, in another bar across town. This bar, an upscaled dive bar trying to take in the 5pm “drinks and party” crowd, apologized for not serving my martini with a big ice cube and prepared it in a rocks/lowball glass.

The cocktail was fine, but because of the glass I had to drink it quickly. Accident? Intent? Gender politics? The Blood of the Lamb? Who knows why a bartender would serve a martini unasked for in an unorthodox glass?

What has me wondering today, in a filling bar that I may soon abandon for home (where the booze is paid for and pants are optional) is cocktails themselves and why I enjoy (as my sister called it) “classical drinking.”

I have nothing against mixology or mixologists. I have nothing against anyone who loves something enough to elevate it to an art form and a craft, using all the tools at their disposal. That’s how we find out what else is possible and avoid stagnation. Just because classics are classic for a reason doesn’t mean they need to stay that way and be all there is. If a flashy new cocktail gets my attention and has enough interesting stuff going on (or what I know I’ll like,) I’ll happily enjoy one. I have an honest-to-God fondness for tiki drinks and well-executed gimmicks, so if it just friggin’ tastes good and won’t require a mortgage on the house I don’t have to pay for, I’ll probably be just fine and tip you well.

When I’m out and about by myself though, or if I’m just sitting at home and I feel like a bit more than beer or straight spirits, I keep it as simple as personal tastes in cocktails can be. Gimlets, Negronis, Martinis, Manhattans (made my way, to be fair) Old Fashioneds, Gin Rickies and Tonics, and the occasional julep or margarita in the summer. Otherwise, just the spirit with one or two rocks.

Why don’t I go for more? Why don’t I have the official Parrothead Margaritaville Margarita blender, a rimming dish for salt and Tajin, and a mess of different cordials, syrups, mixers, and ice trays, limiting my cocktail paraphernalia to a few glasses, a jigger, a muddler, and a single metal cocktail shaker?

For the same reason I always get the chirashi bowl or nigiri at a sushi restaurant instead of one of their special maki rolls- it’s too much, too hard to decide, I’m too lazy, and I’d rather just enjoy what’s good. At a sushi restaurant, that’s ideally the fish and the rice rather than all the other stuff shoved into a roll named after the local landmark. In a cocktail, that’s the booze. Good ingredients make a good cocktail, and the main ingredient (though not the majority) in a cocktail is the alcohol you choose.

Why is that? Because cocktails were created to smooth over harsh liquor. In the case of the classic Gin and Tonic, the gin was added to make the tonic water more pleasant. The quinine tonic water still contains is bitter and foul, but it was consumed to prevent or treat malaria in hot climates. The addition of gin made it more palatable to the British civil servant in India, and the addition of lime (or in my case, cucumber) lent extra flavor, refreshing tartness, and Vitamin C to prevent scurvy. Grog, the father of all “sling” cocktails and one shaker away from Hemingway’s favorite, the Daquiri, was similarly created to water down the rum rations of sailors.

In our day and age, where rotgut liquor is a matter of choice rather than necessity, cocktails are similarly a matter of taste. They are a fine way to enjoy good alcohol, and they can be employed to improve or gussy up the cheap stuff. If I have fine whiskey at my disposal, I will almost always prefer to have it straight up, neat, or on a bare minimum of rocks. In some cases, I’ve found that my favorite liquors are enhanced and improved in a cocktail, but I try not to buy anything that needs to be mixed to be enjoyed. If it’s no good on its own, I’d rather not throw more money putting lipstick on a pig.

With that said, and so you don’t feel cheated having read this only to hear me rant about booze, here’s my personal specs for my favorite cocktails:

1. The Martini– I like mine dry and dirty, a simple 2:1 gin-to-dry vermouth ratio. No washes, manzanilla olives, stuffed with whatever notes you want the drink to have. Shake it in a metal shaker until your fingers stick to the cold metal like a flagpole in winter, and then for fucks sake pour it in a chilled stem glass.
   
2. The Gimlet- I have a weakness for good bitters, so my gimlets are 2 parts gin, 1 part Rose’s lime (or lime juice with some powdered sugar), and a couple drops of lime bitters. Shake it like a martini until it’s as cold as the manager of a loan office, then pour in a coupe glass.
   
3. Grog/ Daquiri– My favorite easy summer cocktails, and the choice comes down to your rum, water or no water, and rocks or no rocks
   • Grog– Mix a half-ounce of brown or Demerara sugar and a half ounce of lime juice until the sugar is dissolved. Add two ounces of your favorite rum, then four ounces of water. Stir, pour over rocks, and sail the high seas from your porch.
   • Daquiri- Put 2 parts rum, 1 part lime juice, and half a part brown or demerara sugar in a shaker with ice. Shake it up and pour it into a chilled coupe glass, then think about Hemingway.
     
4. Gin and Tonic/ Gin Ricky- Pick your favorite gin. 2 parts tonic water or club soda depending on what you want to one part gin. Mix well with ice in a tall glass. I like to give my Rickies lime, but my Gin and Tonics get lime AND cucumber wheels, and maybe some muddled cucumber on the bottom.
5. The Matt-hattan- This is about as technical as I ever get with cocktail mixing, and it’s only because I live where I can get the ingredients that make it special. If you can get this stuff, you’ll have a Manhattan that is not just good, but cozy- like watching snow fall from a New York City penthouse.
   
   It starts as a simple 2 to 1 ratio of whiskey to vermouth, but I make mine “perfect,” the vermouth being an even split of dry and sweet. The whiskey is always the Dark Roast Rye from Stone Barn Brandyworks here in Portland- a rye whiskey whose dark roast makes it taste like chocolate and coffee. I wouldn’t suggest going for a flavored whiskey for this, but if you must, pick one with a gentle, natural flavor. Otherwise, infuse your own. No fucking Fireball.
   Finish it off with cardamom bitters, a whiskey-infused maraschino, and thank me later.

Drop your personal favorites and specs in the comments and
Stay Classy,