I spent a good chunk of today looking for a candle.

It wasn’t just for a candle though. I went shopping for some clothes today, and I intended to pick up a scented candle for my new desk because I have apparently become a guy who likes having a nice candle burning near me when I write. I don’t really know or care if its aromatherapy, meditative, or vibes- it feels Nice and Good and Right for the Desk, so when my little lavender-scented candle burned out, I said “Time to get another.”

I grabbed the clothes from Target (if you catch me in a fancy brand of clothes, assume I got lucky at a thrift shop) and realized I wasn’t going to find the candle I wanted. All the candles that smelled good at all were way too big or pungent than I needed. I wanted it to be low-profile and not to distract me while I was working. Since Emily had come with me and was doing her own shopping, I resolved to just wander around and look for a little something extra for myself. New pins for my collection and little bags of gummy candy are my usual weaknesses and “treats” when I’m out shopping.

After walking through store after store in Clackamas Mall, I came out empty-handed and okay with it, which was an interesting moment in and of itself. Somehow, I’ve gotten to the point where I like looking at “Stuff” and thinking about it, but not getting it.

The things I want, need, and that stick with me I will get, and I will happily eat the cost. After losing my white summer hat, I had very few qualms about dropping $112 for a new, authentic Panama hat. I don’t mind shelling out for a bottle of whiskey that calls to me or that I think I’ll enjoy. Good things cost money.

Somehow, though, the kid who used to collect stuffed animals, Transformers toys, mint containers, tea, and eventually teapots has gotten past the need to have things just to have them.

My wife and I live in a small apartment. We don’t have room for a lot of ”stuff, ”so everything we have up on our walls or around our apartment has a purpose- even if that purpose is just psychological or emotional by connecting us to our pasts, our homes, our families, our lives and each other. Any reputable interior decorator would probably quit the moment they walked into our place, but if our friends are to be believed, it feels very “homey,” “cozy,” and “us.”

Whatever Knick-knacks/tchotchkes we have are older and meaningful, and we are definitely not minimalists- but we no longer buy things just to have them.

This isn’t meant to be any kind of flex or humble brag- it’s a reality that we live and have made peace with. We have neither the space nor funds to just buy anything that catches our fancy, so we get what’s needful or meaningful, and we’ve learned to just “need” less. “Will Objects X, Y, or Z seriously improve our lives by its presence?” If not, we won’t buy it.

So where do I spend my money?

After bills, subscriptions, rent, and food get paid for (Emily takes the lead on our household budgeting and saving, but we discuss financial matters regularly), I’m not ashamed to say a lot of my spending money goes to people, dining, and little joys. There are friends of mine who are creators and have Patreons or crowdfunding sources (like mine), and I like to try to support them.

Perhaps I eat out a lot, but I love the food scene in Portland and I want to support my friends and culinary comrades. I want to see good folks succeed, and if I get a solid meal out of it, that’s a win all around. If you want a good restaurant or bar to stick around, you need to go out there and give them your money– landlords don’t accept good vibes, exposure, and warm fuzzies.

That leaves, then, little joys. Those look like pins for my collection that make me smile or resonate with me. It looks like stuff for my mead-making hobby and new books. Things that don’t take up much room anywhere except in my heart and soul.

Emily and I don’t need a Tesla- our little Chevy Spark does fine, and it’s easier to park.
We’d like a bigger house, but we don’t need a mansion- imagine having to heat and clean all that space for nothing.
We’d like to earn more money so we can enjoy our lives without having to double-check our budget so much, but we wouldn’t know what to do with a billion dollars beyond paying off our debts and giving it away to causes and charities we believe in.

This is what happens when you set your own win conditions and base your life around what actually makes you happy, instead of burning yourself out chasing shit that others say should make you happy.

Stay Classy,