I’m sitting at the bar at Toms for one of the first really autumnal days after a bit of a heat wave, just in time for Casey to fix me a Pork Roll, Egg, and Cheese sandwich- then chase it with a stout when they start pouring at noon.

I actually ate breakfast at 7am, but then I successfully ran it off, and proceeded to walk the thirty minutes out here for my Hobbitesque “second breakfast.” Of all the ways to refuel after a run, the PREC is a solid winner.

I’m slowly getting back into my good habits- I’m back to working out daily, eating better/less/smarter, and slimming down a bit. It’s easier to make progress than it has been in a while, and it’s because I have the freedom to slow down, take stock, and learn to accept.

Since I’m been writing this blog, I’ve offered up a lot of ethe intended as much for myself as for my readers:

• You Always Have Time For What You Make Time For
• Patience and Relentlessness
• Festina Lente (“Make haste slowly.”)
• Confidence is just the Equanimity we see in others.

In addition to dropping all these timeless wisdom bombs, I’ve also done my best to be open about my own successes and failures in incorporating them. I’m not perfect- I’m figuring my own way through this world like anybody else. This blog is as much notes for me and reassurance for others that they are not alone as anything else.

The hardest part is always putting my money where my mouth is, and now that it’s feeling a little easier I was discussing why with my therapist. Why was I struggling with this for so long?

The answer was simple: I had too much going on. Before taking my current job, I was constantly stressed about making enough money to pay bills and keep Emily and I afloat. Now that I’m actually being paid well for my time, those pressures are off. I’m able to focus on myself again.

For a while it wasn’t a good feeling. During one session, I described feeling unsure or “adrift-” not sure of what to do next or which way to go- and it was because I suddenly had the time, energy, and ability to choose. With external problems managed, I was suddenly able to refocus my energy on the internal.

It feels easy or cruel to describe self-improvement in terms of economic privilege, but the fact is that that’s exactly what it was. You can’t focus on thriving when you are constantly in “survival mode.” You can’t “save for a rainy day” when every day is monsoon season.

Now that the metaphorical rain is abating, though, there’s nothing distracting me from acting on those old slogans except for one unavoidable truth- the fact that I’m older.

I’ve been writing this blog for close to ten years. Getting fit and losing weight is going to be harder for me now than it was when I was 27, and all I can do is accept that I’m in for a rougher road this time. My metabolism won’t be as active or quick to respond to my reforming habits, and my body has an extra ten years of none-too-gentle wear and tear on it.

But what the hell- I’m gonna keep trying though. Progress is still progress, and I don’t wanna let this sunny day go to waste.

Stay Classy,