Guys, We Need To Talk

Good evening, friends and neighbors.
This post is dedicated to the women who have saved my life- they’ll know who they are.

This blog post is… well, it’s going to be a little rough. I’m going to be talking about kitchen culture, of course- but in particular some of the big problems with it. Ones that we ourselves are causing and perpetuating- the abusive, macho, meathead culture that we have glorified, and how it hurts our female comrades and ourselves. We have seen icons fall, and powerful culinary empires crumble, simply because the man in charge decided he was going to be a “guy” rather than a man.

I promised myself a long time ago that I would never EVER discuss politics on this blog, and I am holding to that. Regardless of the political twists that other pundits have put on the topic, this state of affairs transcends political philosophies- it cannot be allowed to continue.

This blog post is aimed mostly at the guys in the audience, and especially those who are frowning or wincing after that first paragraph. If this is a little much for you, then carry on- hopefully the next topic will be a bit more lighthearted, maybe with some goofy pictures or foodporn.
Guys, I hope you stick around though- because fixing this is absolutely 100% on us- all of us- and I will tell you exactly why.

I’ll start with one time I was a coward.

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One Of Those Days

Good afternoon, friends and neighbors!

It had been a grueling day. The whole kitchen seemed to be operating on Murphy’s Law.
A bad batch of eggs had been caught too late, leading to the failure of at least three batters and every single piece of brioche in the bakery. Fortunately, none had sold and there was no danger of anyone getting sick- even so, it was a lot of product to be thrown out.
Everyone’s production list doubled- the time to get it done did not.

If there was a time for “Crazy Train” to start playing, that was it.

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The Bakeshop Workout

Hello, friends and neighbors!

The other day, I was making a supersized batch of Zucchini Bread batter at work- and in so doing, I did a 117 lbs (53 kg) deadlift from floor to chest.

Not a problem, I do it all the time.

THAT’S how you stay in shape working at a bakery- you WORK at a bakery.

I’ve mentioned before that I use a 50 lbs. (22.67 kg) sandbag for exercising at home, and that the motivation for this came directly from wanting to be a baker, but I don’t believe I ever went into any real specifics about it.

So here we go: presenting,

“The Black Hat Baker’s Bake Shop Workout!”

Otherwise known as, “I Pick Up Heavy Things and Put Them Down, but I can bake bread with them too when I’m done.”

The author with a bag of flour over his shoulder, wearing a Ramones tee.

See, my workplace DOES have a private gym!

 

“What Do I Need?”

That’s simple- a bag of sand! You can get a 50lbs. bag of play sand at Home Depot for about $6. Get the sand, put it in a couple garbage bags to help insure against leaks, and then either put THAT inside a large, sturdy duffel bag or wrap it up in duct tape.

The thing that makes using a sandbag different from barbells or dumbbells is the fact that the sand will slosh and shift as it moves. The bag also doesn’t have any handles- thus as you manipulate the bag, you will have to constantly use accessory muscle groups and reaffirm your grip in order to keep control of the bag.


OK… why are we doing this again?

When my brother-in-law Kevin gave me advice on how to start getting in shape, he had asked me what I wanted to do with a fit, healthy body. When I said that I just wanted to be able to function in a bake shop, he suggested exercises that mimic what I might do in a bakeshop. Makes sense, right?
All these exercises, therefore, are the actual names of lifts and movements that I have found myself needing to do in my career as a baker. I tend to do 5 reps of each of these exercises in rotation.

*ENORMOUS FREAKING BRIGHT RED DISCLAIMER!*

I AM NOT NOW, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN, A FITNESS EXPERT OR A PERSONAL TRAINER! THESE EXERCISES ARE PRESENTED PURELY AS SUGGESTIONS FOR WHAT HAS WORKED FOR ME PERSONALLY- YOUR ABILITY, RESULTS, AND SPECIFIC HEALTH RELATED CONDITIONS MAY VARY. DO NOT START ANY NEW WORKOUT ROUTINE WITHOUT SPEAKING TO A FITNESS OR MEDICAL EXPERT. ATTEMPT THESE EXERCISES AT YOUR OWN RISK.

1. The Sandbag Carry

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This is really as simple as it gets. Pick up the bag, bearhug it to your chest, and just walk around. This happens roughly daily in the shop, for obvious reasons.
The reason this exercise is great is because it’s comparatively low-impact, and simply learning to move while carrying a load will help you learn to use your core muscles- that’s the ones in your lower chest and abdomen. Learning to tense and use these muscles will help support your back and spine, reducing the likelihood of injury for any of the other exercises.

2. The Sumo Deadlift

Author Demonstrating Sumo Deadlift

“LIFT WITH YOUR KNEES, NOT YOUR BACK!” There’s a reason this is heard over and over again- because it works.
I prefer this stance/grip over a regular deadlift for the sandbag, simply because the bag is flat on the ground and must be gripped from there- as opposed to a barbell where the bar is likely off the ground a bit. For my purposes, flour is delivered to us on large wooden pallets. They need to be lifted from floor to table/shelf.

For this lift, stand with your feet a bit more than shoulder-width apart. Bend your knees and reach down to grip the bag. Keep your core tensed, and lift in a smooth, controlled motion- keeping your weight back on your heels. As you come up with the bag, bring your hips forward to meet the bag. Slowly reverse and bring the bag back down.

3. Sandbag Curl

The author demonstrating bicep curls

Curls are good.  Yes, they are infamous for “gymbros” doing them in the squat rack. Working out your biceps in the bakeshop, however, helps you get that mixing bowl off the machine and on to your table. It also helps you make mousse and meringues by hand- those take a LOT of whipping….

Stand up straight, core tensed, feet shoulder-width apart. With a firm grip on the bag, just curl your arms and hoist the bag up to your chin. Return under control- DO NOT just relax your arms and let your elbows snap straight. You WILL injure yourself.


​4. Sandbag Lunges / Squats

Yeah, if you’ve got bad knees in a bakeshop, you are REALLY screwed. Half my day is spent squatting or kneeling, with or without weight, to put things in a low oven, grab that giant jug of oil, fetch up 5 dozen eggs, and so on.
You want to EAT chicken legs in a kitchen, not HAVE them.

For both of these exercises, the keys are to keep your core tense, flex at the knees and hips, and never let your knees go past your toes- doing this prevents your ankles from taking the brunt of the weight.

5. The Overhead Press

Animated GIF of the author demonstrating an Overhead Press with a sack of flour

While it’s generally not smart to store heavy objects higher than head-level- you tend to put things where they will fit. If you look at the rack behind me, some of those boxes up top weigh up to 30 lbs. It’s good to know your arms and shoulders won’t give out on you when you need to get a new crate of chocolate chips down.

With your core tensed and your feet shoulder-width apart, bring the bag up to your chest and raise over your head slowly, to your full range of motion. After a moment, bring the bag back down slowly and repeat.


There you go! With a sack of flour providing strength training, simply being on your feet for 10 hours a day offering cardio, and intelligent eating, this is how you can work in a bakeshop and stay fit.

Best of luck, and

Stay Classy,

P.S.
Special thanks to Collin Jones, my boss at Crema Coffee + Bakery for letting me mess around with the dry goods after hours!

An Open Letter To New Culinary Students, From Someone Only A Little Older Than You

Good evening, friends and neighbors.

With the coming of fall, a lot of new stuff arrives. Polos and t-shirts give way to sweaters and scarves. (I’ll turn in my hoodie when you take it off my corpse,) Lemonade becomes apple cider, Pumpkin Spice becomes a way of life, and of course, school starts. Which means a new batch of students will be starting in culinary schools across the country.

A year or so ago, I wrote this open letter to recent pastry grads. With all the articles and open letters floating around the internet written by older cooks and chefs, I realized that their message was all pretty much the same. Every one of those letters I read talked about how “kids these days have no motivation” and the industry was way harder back when they were starting, and you need a thick skin and so on and so on.

A lot of it was true, and had very valid advice- but the tone, in general, I found really down and grim. I figured I would write one that came from someone NOT with long years of experience, but was young enough to remember when he was a graduate. Someone who will tell you what the culinary industry is like NOW, not thirty years ago.

So if you’re a new culinary/pastry student (or thinking of becoming one), this is for you.

 

An old picture of the author, heavier with a black apron.

We all started somewhere…

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