Things To Remember, Part 2

March 20, 2015 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

A while back, I wrote a blog entry where I related some simple words of wisdom I had picked up from working in the culinary arts. Since this week was yet another grueling one and I find myself nearly dead to the world, it seemed like a perfect time to add to that list.

For those who don’t want to click the link above, here’s the list so far:

Fail Faster
Products taste better than ideas, but nothing tastes better than memories.
The big night is not the time to try something new.
Simplicity, with elegance.
Classics are classic for a reason.
If you want the fruit off the tree, take care of the roots.
Proper prior planning prevents poor performance.
Use all 5 senses.
Don’t assume everyone does their job right/ all the time.
Why kill yourself?
If you’re standing in the kitchen doing nothing, you’re either forgetting something, just visiting, or trying to get fired.

Obviously, these don’t just apply to baking, or even just kitchen life. They can apply to all aspects of your life as well.
Here are some other thoughts I have distilled down from my experiences since then:

More of the BHB’s Words of Wisdom

Remember Murphy’s Law, especially as it applies to you
Murphy’s Law states, in a nutshell, “Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.” Whatever rush you might be in, take time to pause and see what’s three steps ahead. Spot weakness and accidents-waiting-to-happen. More than anything, plan based on yourself- what you will do next, and what you are most likely the mess up. Get rid of opportunities for you to cause accidents for yourself.

A watched pot never boils- but an unwatched pot of dairy will boil over and ruin your life for the next few hours.
Seriously, don’t leave milk or cream to boil on the stove. Or anything else for that matter. Boiled over dairy makes a HIDEOUS mess.

First course, first impression. Last course, last confession.
Given a series of events, people are more likely to remember what happened first and what happened last most clearly. The same goes with planning a menu or doing a dinner party. A great appetizer can set the mood for an entire meal- a bad appetizer than make it all seem sour. A good dessert can smooth over a rough meal- a bad dessert will stick in their heads.

It is not enough to taste- you must taste properly.
Tasting everything as you cook is obvious- but knowing HOW to taste is trickier. When you taste, know what you are looking for, if anything. Be able to dissemble the flavor as you taste it, and the reassemble it.

This list will likely grow further in the future. Any professionals out there know something I should add? Leave it in the comments!

Stay Classy,
BHB

Cooking at Home- Your Ticket to Culinary Independence

March 13, 2015 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

I love restaurants.
No kidding, right? I work for them, I dine at them, I review them (in my own off-hand, fanboyish, ineffective way,) and some of my best friends work in them. My parents taught me how to behave in restaurants when I was very little. In a way, they are like a form of performance theater to me. Granted, I can eat the props, but still….

This has not happened to me… yet.

I used to write my blog entries from them all the time. It was a once-a-week treat to myself- find a nice bar/restaurant, order a drink, get some grub, type up an entry, throw it on to the net when I got home.

Recently, however, I’ve been a little more cautious about where my money goes. While a delightful experience, restaurant-going is pretty expensive. Given the situation in Atlantic City (where my 9-to-5 is), and the fact that my girlfriend and I are plotting to move in together soon, in recent months I’ve been looking for ways to trim up my budget and cut spending where I can. Yay for being a grown-up!

“Don’t bother me, I’m working!”

Sadly, on going through my spending records, I found that a pretty good amount of my spending money after necessities was going to restaurants, and I could only look forward to that spending money total shrinking in the future.

Nothing for it- restaurants had to become a special treat.

Oh Hell….. *dramatic music*

Fortunately, several things are working in my favor!

I’m comfortable in the kitchen and can cook for myself (someone said that was ‘women’s work‘? They’re probably hungry right now.)
I have a girlfriend who loves to cook AND eat out as much as I do. (Yay, I’m bragging. Friggin’ winner right here.)
Given my health goals and lifestyle, eating in helps me eat healthier!
There are plenty of recipes and ideas out there to stretch a few bucks of ingredients into meals for a week.

As a honorable (heh) denizen of the internet, I am also a fan of webcomics and other comedic web-based malarkey. Thus, when two members of one of my favorite comedy troupes, SMBC Theater, decided to start a YouTube cooking channel called “Broke Eats” and a show called “Hand 2 Mouth”, I dutifully contributed to their Kickstarter.
In each video, James Ashby and Marque Franklin-Williams teach their viewers basic recipes, and how to come up with healthy meals on a truly shoe-string budget. I highly recommend watching the videos and picking up a thing or two.
Hopefully not from James, though- seriously, don’t stick a meat cleaver in a running blender.

Given my work schedule, one of the toughest things to get around was the fact that, when I get home, I’m friggin’ TIRED. I don’t want to cook, I want FOOD. In my FACE. NOW. In the past (and every now and then when I’m feeling like it, honestly), this has led to me pulling down a can of soup, or a frozen burrito, or whatever instant meal I had grabbed and tossed into my pantry/freezer.

While wonderfully convenient, the sheer amount of preservatives that can be found in some canned goods and frozen foods is mind-boggling. In addition to that, buying ready-made stuff still isn’t fiscally reasonable all the time. If you want ready-made stuff without the hideous amounts of weird science in it, it will cost you- big time.

Nope- more often than not, good ingredients and a little time is the way to go. What’s more, some recipes can keep remarkably well. One night of cooking can provide a hungry man with non-crap lunches and tasty post-work dinners for a week!

To help you on your way, here’s a couple of my favorite recipes (inspired by the guys at Broke Eats!) that have been feeding me well for the last few months, and helping me save my budget!

Ham and Lentils

This is my little twist on split pea and ham soup. It’s more like a lentil salad (or a porridge if you supercook the lentils on purpose) than a soup though. The great thing about this is that lentils (green ones in particular) are packed with protein, and a one pound bag is dirt cheap at most stores. Rock it out with some ham and spices, and you’ve got a meal!

Makes 4 servings

Ingredients
2 cups green lentils
4 cups water or broth
1 lb. ham (I used cheapish pre-cooked ham from the supermarket, but you can use whatever you want.)
2 cloves garlic, minced
Herbs/Spices (I used paprika, Israeli pepper, black pepper, and celery salt.)
2 tbs. Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 tbs Apple Cider Vinegar

Method

Rinse the lentils in a collander or strainer under cold water. Be sure to pick through them for pebbles or other inedibles that may have gotten in there.
Put the rinsed lentils in a saucepan or pot and pour in the water/broth. Dump in your garlic and spices, except for salt or anything with salt.
Place on medium-high heat until the water comes to a rapid simmer, then drop it down to medium low or low for a very gentle simmer. You should see only a few small bubbles. Let simmer, uncovered, for 20-30 minutes or until the lentils are tender. Add water as needed to make sure the lentils remain covered. While this is going on, cook/cut up your ham into smallish cubes. If you want really mushy lentils for a porridge, let them cook longer.
When the lentils are ready, take them off the heat. Dump the lentils into a collander/strainer and strain well. Toss them back into the pot and stir in the ham, salt, and whatever salty ingredients you had.
Toss in the olive oil and vinegar, serve and enjoy!

The BHB’s Favorite Fried Rice

At the casino I work in, my bake shop is right next door to the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant. A guy named Jun does the morning prep work, and twice a week he makes an insane amount of fried rice that gets sent throughout the house to a number of outlets. Every time he makes it, he drops off a big plate of it right in the bake shop.
I was never much of a fried rice guy(or even much of a Chinese food guy) in my life, but when you have been laboring over an oven full of cheesecake all morning, you’re starving to death, and you can leave till those cakes are DONE- the arrival of a simple plate of fried rice to munch on is as close to a miracle as I can think of.
These days, thanks to Jun, fried rice is becoming a little bit of a comfort food for me. I wanted to learn to make it myself, and Broke Eats did a Hand 2 Mouth episode. Watch and learn to make this delicious, filling, and simple dish.

Ingredients
2 cups cooked rice (some say the cooked rice should be a day old, others fresh. Whatever texture you like)
1 medium sized onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 small cans of peas and carrots, or leftover veggies of any kind you like- just cook them first.
2 eggs, scrambled
1-2 tbs. vegetable oil
Spices/seasonings (I like Chinese Five Spice, Chili Garlic Paste, Black Pepper, and a little bit of sesame oil)
Soy sauce

Method

Heat up a large frying pan or wok over medium-high heat. Once the pan is hot, add in your oil and swirl to coat the bottom.
Once the oil starts to shimmer, toss in your garlic and onions. Cook them for about 2 or 3 minutes, till the onion is translucent and somewhat browned.
Next, in goes your other veggies. You’re going to stir-fry these until they are well-heated.
Time for the scrambled eggs! Pour them in and stir fry. Make sure all the egg gets cooked, as the veggies will get coated.
When the eggs are all cooked, in goes the rice. Toss it up well and make sure everything gets well mixed. Apply your seasonings and toss everything evenly.
Last but not least, in goes the soy sauce. The soy sauce will burn quickly, so make this last thing you add in, just before you serve.

Note: This is more a method of stir-frying grains than an actual recipe- feel free to use any cooked grains and leftover veggies you have lying around! My girlfriend and I used chopped onion, peppers, and garlic to make fried quinoa. See what you have available and go nuts!

Got some favorite recipes of your own? Something you love that feeds a lot, for less?
Drop some tasty knowledge in the comments!
In the meantime, I’ve got some more “work” to do…

Yeah, you like the fez.

Stay Classy,

Gender Roles and Stereotypes in the Culinary World

March 6, 2015November 23, 2020 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

In December of 2013, one of the biggest things in my life happened- I graduated from culinary school. This picture was taken-

I’ll always remember this picture taken for several reasons- not the least of which was really rather awkward…
In lining us all up for the picture, the photographer placed me in the center. During the shoot, he called out to me, “Matt, smile! Hugh Hefner and his bunnies, man! Smile!”

Yeah. He said that.

Immediately I looked around, my face turning bright red with embarrassment. The faces of my friends, while bemused, also rather betrayed an unspoken order- “Yeah, don’t even THINK of mentioning that to any one, EVER.”

Eeeeeeeeeerm…. yeah….

I had wanted to write about this topic for quite a while now, but always felt like I was biting off more than I could chew. A male baker talking about gender stereotypes in the culinary world might come off as self-congratulatory and sanctimonious, Moses coming down from his mountain in great compassion for his oppressed culinary sisters.

After I wrote a previous entry about experiences with body/fitness stereotypes, however, I knew the gloves had to come off. Our culture has a bizarre sort of cognitive dissonance when it comes to gender in the culinary world, and it’s time to explore that. This subject matter has been covered many times covering many different angles, but here I’d like to point out something that falls by the wayside-

“Why is a man who bakes professionally looked at differently than a man who just bakes domestically?”

Case in point…

See that? You probably laughed and rooted for the guy who defended his baking and laid the smack down on the guy who tried to insult him by calling it “gay.”
I did too when I first read it.
It shouldn’t have happened in the first place though. No one, man or woman, should feel the need to defend what they like to do against it being called “gay,” or “feminine,” or any other word that the ignorant choose to employ as a slur.

Back to the above question, and the cognitive dissonance thing.
Behold, the professional male baker:

Wikipedia

We see here a strong young man, working at his craft. He’s youthful, but clearly determined. He has his orders, knows his work, and is doing it diligently. In time, if he sticks with it, society may come to see him as an older man- tough-as-nails, strong-silent-type, supernaturally productive. A true force to be reckoned with in the kitchen, and in life.

What of a man who bakes for the love of it, though? A man who bakes at home because he likes feeding his family, doing it for himself?

Image borrowed from https://whatisandwhatcouldbe.wordpress.com

Sadly, our culture has another list of descriptors for him:
“Whipped.”
“Mr. Mom.”
“Fag.”
“Sissy.”
“Girly.”

The reason for this is the gender “roles” and stereotypes that we unwittingly perpetuate. These stereotypes say that the domestic world is the woman’s world. The woman’s duty is to cook and clean the house, making sure cookies are baked and dinner is made for her hard-working, bread-winning husband to come home to.

“Let me fix my lipstick, dear, and then I’ll keep cleaning and you can eat dinner.”

Make baking into a PROFESSION, however, and it’s perfectly right for a man to do it. Where else do you get the obese, handle-bar-mustached chef? Or the fiery, lanky, hell-on-wheels, perfectionist French pastry chef for that matter?
They’re not baking, they’re WORKING. Work outside the home is the man’s world.

The culinary arts have historically BEEN a male-dominated industry, with innumerable tales of sexual harassment awaiting the woman who tries to make headway.

When a young male chef feels like he can “mansplain” to a more experienced female chef how to grow her business, that’s a problem.

When we can laugh at memes like these (and I have too), there is a question not being asked:

“Why does baking NEED to be depicted as more manly?”“Real men bake?”
“Real men eat cupcakes?”
Well-meaning, but unnecessary.
PEOPLE bake.
PEOPLE eat cupcakes.
PEOPLE eat food, and genderizing activities limits what people can achieve. It reinforces stereotypes, and holds the industry- and society itself- back.

Looking back, I realized what made me want to discuss this topic.
My girlfriend and I both love to be in the kitchen, and have already decided that our future children- male and female- will know how to cook and bake. Naturally, I will be teaching my son to bake.
As soon as I realized that, I thought, “What am I going to say to him the first time he comes from school and the boys call him ‘sissy’ or ‘girly’ because he likes baking with his dad?”
I came up with a number of answers: that baking wasn’t girly, that there was nothing wrong with being a girl, that those boys will be waiting for someone to feed and take care of them all their lives while my son would be able to do it for himself.

Then I realized I’d rather it didn’t happen at all. I’d like to just greet him when he got home and point to the Winnie-the-Pooh cookie jar on the table that I had just recently filled, and tell him to get his apron on.

And if you have a problem with my Winnie-the-Pooh cookie jar, you haven’t been paying attention.

Stay Classy,

How to Cook for a Cook

February 26, 2015 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

One of the great joys in my life is dining with friends- whether cooking or being served. Very often, however, I find myself in a curious situation:

“I was so nervous making this for you, since you’re a chef and all…”
“Oh, I bet you could do it better….”

Other pro cooks and chefs I know have met with the same thing, serious and in jest.
I get it. I really do. Today’s pop culture has cranked up the image of the “celebrity chef” to 11, and whenever someone personally knows a chef, they immediately have clips of “Chopped” or “America’s Next Top Chef” running through their mind- an excoriating review of their works with sharp jokes, pointed criticism, and bitter rejection.

Anthony Bourdain, in one of his various interviews, answered this situation and others like with what he called the “Grandma’s Turkey Rule.” The allegory is as follows:

Your grandmother doesn’t cook very much, but when she does, it’s her Thanksgiving turkey- and it’s HORRIBLE. It’s dry. It’s under-seasoned. It’s over-salted. The gravy is brown water with lumps of starch floating in it like the memories of lost childhood dreams.
She’s proud of it, and she makes it once a year, for the family she loves.
Thanksgiving comes around, and you sit down and get served shingles of that wretched affront to the poultry world. What do you do?

According to Anthony Bourdain, you choke it down, smile, say thank you very much and ask for seconds.
This is the “Grandma’s Turkey Rule”- respect for authentic hospitality. Just as it’s important to be a gracious host, it is vital to be a gracious guest as well. Unless it is truly against your religion, or a medical reason keeping you from tucking in to what you’re served in someone’s house, you smile and eat.

People of the world, you are cooking.
You are cooking for US.
It is food you are giving us from the kindness of your heart, and that you have theoretically worked very hard on.
We will say thank you, and we will MEAN IT.

This is not a TV show. It is not a professional kitchen, and we are not at work.
We will simply be grateful that we are being fed.

Stay Classy,

BHB

An AMA with the BHB

February 19, 2015 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

So today, I decided to try something new. Tonight’s blog entry would be all about you guys, and your questions! To that end, I hopped on Reddit and spent all evening doing an AMA (Ask Me Anything!)

Here’s some of the best questions and answers that came out:

Hi! I’m an amateur baker myself, although I’ve not had loads of experience with pastry beyond the usual shortcrust and pâte sucrée, so I’m planning on doing a few recipes with puff pastry at some point soon. Basically, do you have any tips for making decent puff pastry? –ManicMetalhead

The best tip I can think of for making puff pastry is keeping your butter as cold as possible, only letting it get as warm as strictly necessary. Puff pastry gets its flaky layers from the ultra-thin layers of butter melting during baking and creating cavities in the dough. If it’s too warm, the butter will melt early, and you’ll get greasy pastry. I’m also guessing you’re talking about classic French puff pastry. If you’re really dedicated to making it by hand (without the use of a rolling machine or sheeter), your arms will want to fall off after the first few turns! There are other formulas for “rough” puff pastry that are just as tasty and don’t require the hellish amount of rolling pin work.

Best book(s) for baking amateurs? – Senorpapagirgio

Several! I heartily recommend the classic “Joy of Cooking” and “Joy of Baking” books. They are indespensible resources for basic recipes and skills. After that, I would recommend “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” by Julia Child, “Professional Baking” by Wayne Gisslen, and “How Baking Works” by Paula Figoni for mastering and understanding the chemistry aspects. After those, recipe books for your favorite cuisines! Good luck!

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?– Punkdoctor1000
Baking!

Seriously though, I still see myself running the Black Hat Bakery, likely as a mobile establishment but possibly as a brick and mortar if the opportunity presents. I see myself providing cookies, pies, and tarts directly to the customers who need them.

I also frankly see myself being wide awake and caffeine-addled at 3am, but that comes with the territory.

Hi Matt. I just wanted to vouch that you’re an awesome baker, and an even awesomer person. (That’s a word.) I’ve known Matt since he was a kid, and he baked an awesome cake for my daughter’s birthday.

My question is: with your amazing success at weight loss, do you find it hard to work around food all the time?– Tiredmom14
Awww thank you! The fact is, I really don’t. After spending so much time around sweets, you truly don’t want any at the end of the day. I almost always crave meat and veggies for dinner-MAYBE with something sweet after.

What’s your favorite “secret” recipe? –NorbitGorbit

My favorite “secret” recipe might be my dad’s meatloaf. Unless you’re a member of the family, you can’t make it exactly right.

Thanks everyone who asked questions for the great night! If you’ve got any questions, leave them in the comments, or get in touch through Facebook or tweet me @BlackHatBakery!

Stay Classy,