The rain is coming down in fits and starts outside. I’ve had to break out my Irish sweater and cloak for the first time this year, but the sky pivots between sunshine and downpour. As it is, I’ve settled for the moment with shedding my cloak, rolling up the sleeves of the sweater, and watching the weather through the window of Holmans. The young bartender calls me “hun” as she fixes up a martini (dirty, extra dry, Beefeater Gin because I’m not trying to be spendy. She tips some extra “Dirty Sue” in there, but I’m alright with it.)

Back to settling in. Back to winding down. Back to being inside, taking stock, and taking a breath.

How’d we manage the summer? How’d we manage the year? How’s it all going? What’s different? What needs to be different?

Sitting where I am, when I am, the confluence of an election in the US, the change of the seasons, the change of weather, and the (Jewish) first anniversary of October 7th isn’t lost on me.

It can feel like it to be sure, but I’m not living in a war zone. I keep going to my job making pastries for the winery, and my most serious worries are getting the car looked at and the cat hacking up a hairball on the bedspread. Arguably less immediate concerns are still important- I’d rather not have my country helmed by fascists, please and thank you. I can do something about that right now, and you can too- vote.

In a conversation with some of my drinking buddies around Brian’s beer truck, a lively (but civil and respectful) debate began around the role of prisons and incarceration in dealing with drug abuse. Passionate, true, but limited points were made on all fronts with the gentle humor of people who have known each other long enough to question each other’s judgments and perceptions, but not their hearts. Everyone wants a safe clean city to live in. No one wants human beings to just rot in the streets, shitting on sidewalks and strung out on drugs. It’s always the “how” up for debate, not the “why.”

Nursing my beers as ideas fly back and forth over my head, one man expresses that imprisoning people for every little thing doesn’t help them get clean and that Portland’s now-infamous Measure 110 decriminalizing drug use was a failure of execution, not of theory.

“Ah…. Now that’s something…” I finished my beer and asked, “Hey guys? Have any of us been in prison?”
Nope.
“Strung out on drugs or been in recovery?”
Again, no.

“Ok… so here’s my thinking. It’s good and all to debate, but I think we as a culture have kinda made it shameful to say ‘I don’t know enough about this to have a real opinion.’”

At the end of the day, I think people are people. We all want the same things at heart- a better tomorrow than we woke up to today. Food on the table, money in our pocket, a safe clean comfortable place to raise our kids, do some good in the world, and die with a legacy so that our lives, loves, struggles, wins and losses don’t seem like such a blip in the arc of the universe.

We can, should, and need to hold each other accountable for the words we say and our actions. If one person or group believes that their prosperity can only exist with another groups subjugation, elimination, or destruction, we need to deal with that. Sometimes, unfortunately, diplomacy alone won’t get you there. Happy thoughts, soft words, and “kindness” won’t always work.

JFK famously said “You cannot negotiate with someone who says ‘What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is negotiable.” At a certain level, we all need to be reading the same rule book. We should never, never, ever forget, however, that people are people. We should always do our best to question judgement and perception, but not dehumanize.

Most of all, we need to bring back the idea that not knowing isn’t shameful. We not to bring back the idea that people don’t have to have an opinion on everything under the sun, that it’s okay to not have enough information to opine, to seek more understanding, and that- no, sweetie- not all opinions are created equal.

“I have a right to my opinion” is not a crushing rejoinder in a debate, and it’s not an establishment of equality with others who have more information than you. In America especially, it’s a frank admission of defeat. It means “my last defense of my idea is that it’s not legal to throw me in jail for it, therefore stalemate.”

You don’t need to opine on everything.
There’s nothing wrong with saying you don’t know.
There’s nothing wrong with seeking more knowledge and wisdom.
There’s everything wrong with claiming ignorance is the same as expertise.

It’s chaos- be kind.
And Stay Classy,