I have read a few books about management, business, and leadership, so I can tell you this without reservation: If you start sounding like your read business books in normal conversation, 1. I stop taking you seriously, and 2. I will sign you up for a Turing Test.

A little dramatic, but I have my reasons- and those reasons have to do with suspecting you got nothing out of those books.
Why do I suspect that? Because you just put on the language rather than making it a part of you.

Lately I’ve been rereading some of my favorite foodwriting books and, looking on the back of a collection of M.F.K. Fisher work, I saw that it was categorized as “Non-fiction/ Food/ Belles-Lettres.” “Belles-Lettres” literally means “beautiful letters” and refers to work where whatever the message is- the story, the plot, the information itself- is secondary to how the book is actually written. It’s words that are arranged the way music is, so that the simple act of reading them is a pleasure in itself.

The idea of my writing being belles-lettres is a bit funny to me and doesn’t really fit simply because I am a storyteller at heart. The point for me is to focus on the story and to tell it as convincingly and relevantly as possible. My job on this blog is to tell you things in stories that will “click” and resonate with you. I want to use words to put my thoughts and ideas into your brain, where your own words and emotions will feel and understand them.

For a weird little analogy, I can try to make a rocking chair that will become your chair, but all I can do is make the comfiest, most enjoyable chair possible and hope that your butt will declare it “your chair” for me.

Make sense?
Good.
Let’s talk about people who don’t get that.

I write my blogs and books that way because that’s the way I read. Humans are storytelling creatures, and it’s our single most powerful and ancient way of communicating lessons and ideas. I will read a book over and over again for the sake of a good story and getting something more out of it. Even nonfiction books.

I hold up the ideas I find in books against myself and my own philosophy the way someone picks out wall art for their house. Some ideas I’ll love and connect with so much, they get hung up in the living room facing the couch so I can show them off to others. Other ideas I might pick up and say “Eh, I get what it’s supposed to be, but it’s not for me” and I leave them behind. If it doesn’t fit with me, I’m not gonna try and make it fit or pretend it does.

I used to work with someone who did try to make them all fit though. They said they were “engaging” with the work- and it was a baffling and disheartening sight to see.

This person was a Serious Business Owner and was always very intent on people knowing they were a Serious Business Owner. They were the “100% Hustle,” “Keep Grinding” type. They primarily read books like “The Unstoppable Sales Machine,” “Extreme Ownership” and other such titles. When we worked together, they had me attend a management course that put a lot of “processes” and acronyms on things that, in my experience, were hyper-specific fancy versions of “Be Prepared,” The Golden Rule, and Wheaton’s Law.

Like I said, I’ve read a few management and leadership books, but they were tangential to the authors main work of self-development. Dr. Brene Brown, for example, is an author my associate and I agreed had enormous value.

If you haven’t read any of Dr. Brown’s work, I highly recommend it. In her career, she has focused shame, vulnerability, and courage- how they impact us and how learning to be honest with ourselves about them can lead us to live more engaged, whole-hearted, and bolder lives. That suits me down to the ground, and the fact that she’s lectured to executives and high-level leaders about how to bring these values into their organizations got her on my associates radar.

When I first told them I was reading Dr. Browns work, they nodded in their hurried and impatient way saying “Oh yes, I’ve been engaging with her work for a while.”

Hold up. Record scratch. Spin back a bit. “Engaging?” Not “reading,” “enjoying,” “learning from,” “meditating on” or any other phrase that implies that click.

I’m certain they thought they meant all those things wrapped up into the single word of ‘engaging,’ but the word is cold. Sterile. Nothing emotional. Nothing human in a statement regarding the work of someone whose entire methodology and CV is about rehumanizing ourselves and our work.

Between that and frankly their ongoing behavior patterns, I realized that, sure, maybe they were reading Browns work- maybe highlighting some passages or taking notes- but they were never going to act on it. It didn’t click. It wasn’t resonating, but they were “engaging” with it the way a pickaxe engages with a rock. It was a Book With Stuff That Was Supposed To Work and was Read By Serious Business People so they were reading it.

If they considered it, it didn’t fit their style- but they didn’t want to say that. I was convinced, at that point, that regardless of their intentions this persons words and actions were not going to align.

Sometime during that management class, I was urged to read “Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink. It was pivotal for the class, and my associate insisted they kept “looking back to ‘Extreme’ for advice and ideas.” I finished the book, but it didn’t click with me.

The ideas were sound, but they came down to ideas I’d gotten from other sources where they were delivered better. The “domination” tone and focus on “the enemy is always out there” I’m sure resonates with folks- Mr. Willink is a successful man.

With respect to him though, I’m a fucking baker. I’m not out to “dominate” the “battlespace” of the professional baking world- the idea of which got a hearty laugh out of everyone I told it to. I’m focused more on mentorship– finding eager people and teaching them to love this work and the craft of living with it as much as I do.

The crux of Jocko’s book, however, is that “extreme ownership”- that whatever level of the organization you are on, if you are leading others, whatever happens is your responsibility, and anything wrong is your fault. Definitely laudable for a leader and commander to hold to- but for someone who kept coming back to ‘Extreme’ for advice, any failures on their part were met with recontextualizing, flippancy, or just balking. It took me finally getting legitimately angry with them over a slip up for them to admit that “that was the part of Extreme Ownership the seemed to have trouble with.”

Literally the fucking title, and a guy who didn’t like the book but finished it anyway had to hold their feet to the fire. To them, “extreme ownership” was apparently great thing for one’s underlings to have.

I didn’t intend for this to turn into a rant against “business lingo” but I wanted to write this out for you for a simple reason. If you feel the need to “engage” with my work, I have failed as a writer.

I want to click with you. To speak to you and with you. I want something- anything– I say to strike a chord with you. If I’m not, the last thing I want is for you to use my verbiage and ideas to convince others you got something out of my writing.

I’m serious. Less hits, less likes on Facebook, bring it on– I accept that.If what I do isn’t hitting the mark, please pass it on to someone who might get something from it. I do not want you to have to “engage” with my work for it to speak to you.

Stay Classy,