The BHB’s Christmas Music List (UPDATED FOR 2018!)

December 24, 2015December 25, 2018 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

I had an excellent idea for something important to write about tonight, but then this whole freaking holiday thing happened….

So as a meanwhile, I figured I’d talk about music. While I myself am not Christian, I have been subjected to enough Christmas music in my life to have a small list of favorites that managed to somehow weasel their way into my grinchy, bitter little heart.

So here we go, in no particular order, with

The BHB’s Favorite Christmas Tunes

1. Bruce Springsteen- Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town
Now that I live out here in Portland, OR, I find myself enjoying stuff that reminds me of home a lot more often- and you can’t get much more Jersey than the Boss. All I need to hear is those opening notes and Bruce talking about snow on the beach and wind on the boardwalk, and I’ve gotta smile.“It’s all cold down on the beach… wind whipping down the boardwalk… Hey Dan! You know what time a’year it is?!”

2. Barenaked Ladies w/ Sarah McLaughlin- God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/ We Three KingsI’ve been a big fan of BNL for quite a while, and the jazzy thumping upright bass is exactly what these old standards need.“Born a king on Bethlehem’s plain/ Gold I bring to crown him again…”

3. Dan Fogelberg- Same Old Lang Syne
This one is one of my sappy favorites. This is the time of year for looking back and reflecting on everything we were and everything we want to be. Old loves, old lives, old haunts… this is a song that brings it all up.”Met my old lover in a grocery store/ the snow was falling Christmas Eve….”

4. The Royal Guardsmen- Snoopy vs. The Red Baron (Snoopy’s Christmas)
Not only a great song about everyone’s famous World War I Flying Ace, but a splendid reminder of the very real story of the Christmas Ceasefires, and that despite how bleak and dark things can seem, there’s always a light of hope.”Christmas bells, those Christmas bells, ring out through the land/ bringing peace to all the world and goodwill to man!”

5. The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl- Fairytale of New York
A bit of an odd choice after the last song, but a good one. My love of Celtic rock/punk aside, this song is excellent as a reminder that Christmas isn’t always a good time everywhere, and not everyone has good memories about it. This song is a beautiful and sad bit of sobriety among all the saccharin sweetness of Christmas music.“An the boys of the NYPD choir was all signin’ “Galway Bay,” and the bells were ringin’ out fer Christmas Day…”

6. The Goo Goo Dolls- Better Days
Another lovely hopeful song, reminding us that whatever last year held, we have a chance at midnight on January 1rst to make things better.“So take these words/ and sing out loud/ because everyone/ is forgiven now/ cause tonight’s the night the world begins again.”

7. Wendy & Lisa- The Closing of the Year
Besides being an awesome part of the Robin Williams movie “Toys”, it’s another lovely bouncy song to round out the year with a lift.”If I cannot bring you comfort, then at least I bring you hope…”

8. Guster- Carol of the Meows
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.“Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow…”

9. Jimmy Buffett- Boat Drinks
Not STRICTLY a Christmas song, but when bitter winter weather has you under house arrest and you get to the point where you’d gladly kill to see some sun and sea, here’s Jimmy’s solution:“20 Degrees and a hockey games on!/ Nobody cares, they are way too far gone/ Screamin’ “Boat Drinks! Something to keep us all warm!”

10. Gregorian- O Come All Ye Faithful
I may be Jewish, but this is one of my favorite hymns, especially when sung in Latin (Adeste Fideles.) Sung by the German group Gregorian in the form of a Gregorian chant, it’s absolutely exquisite.”Adeste fideles, laeti triumphantes…”Edit 2018!Since it’s been a while, and I’ve found some more Christmas songs that don’t make me ill, I figured I’d give them their proper credit.

NOT “Christmas Shoes” though. Seriously, screw that song.

11. Little Drummer Boy, by For KING and COUNTRY

One of my ongoing gripes about praise music is how so much feels like it should be sung with joy and energy, but comes out sounding like a dirge. Growing up in the synagogue, it always felt weird to me that the happiest, most inspiring prayers were sung like we were doing chores.

So hearing a song like Little Drummer Boy getting belted out with some friggin rapid-fire percussion? Sign me the hell up.

12. Mary, Did You Know?, as sung by Kenny Rogers and Wynonna Judd

Religions and faith don’t spring up from nowhere. Neither do the stories around them.

Obviously, it’s a bit harder to see stories as… well, stories, when believing in them is a matter of faith and doctrine. I guess the reason this song really gets me is that it seems to talk to Mary as what she was at the time of Jesus’s birth, rather than what she became. Not as mother of a messiah… but a scared, poor, teenage mother far from home wrapped up in things she might not have understood, but accepted.

That’s about all for tonight folks. Merry Christmas, or whatever you might happen to celebrate, have a good one and I’ll see you next week. Till then…Stay Classy,

An Open Letter to Brand New Pastry Grads- From Someone Your Age

December 17, 2015January 11, 2019 / The Black Hat Baker / 1 Comment

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

Ok, so I’ve been sucking a bit at updating (except Instagram- that’s annoyingly addictive.) Sorry about that, but part of the reason why? I finally got a job out here.

The job is at a restaurant and caterer, where I was hired to be a “relief baker.” Since their banquet season is in full swing, however, and since I have pretty decent kitchen skills OUTSIDE of baking as well, my job has more or less been catering prep and cooking. All in all, not a bad gig.

The experience of having a non-baking job for the first time in a long time got me thinking. About now, many culinary schools are ending their winter semesters, and some of my colleagues may be graduating, throwing themselves and their fates into the industry.

Continue reading →

The Hunting of the Job: An Agony in 30 Fits

November 11, 2015March 19, 2021 / The Black Hat Baker / Leave a comment

When I was a kid, a “job” was whatever my chores were- usually things to be bartered, swapped, argued over with, and foisted of on me and my sisters. “Work” was the thing that Dad did for most of every day- or a nebulous and vile entity that tended to call him at irritating hours.
“I have to go to work, Matt- school is YOUR work. Make sure it gets done.”

“Yes, Dad….”

Right now, I am in the longest stretch I have ever gone without work, and I would give almost anything to bitch about a case of the Mondays again.

The last time I was jobless, the Black Hat Bakery was born, based on what I then called “The MacGuyver Priniciple.”

The MacGuyver Principle– “If you need something, and you don’t have it, can’t find it, or get it, get started making it.”

This tied in nicely with another cozy saying:

“If Necessity is the mother of Invention, Desperation is the mafioso godfather.”

There are any number of websites and articles out there that will give you tips on job hunting- interviews, your resume, negotiating a salary, and so on. I have been burning through them in my maddening search for employment, and trying every shred of advice people have offered me.

In the end, the decision of whether or not someone hires you is NOT in your control. All you can do is present yourself in such a way that they MIGHT want to.

Here, so far, are what I have learned in going to 6 interviews, 4 working interviews, and firing off an average of 8 applications a week since I have arrived in Portland.

So You REALLY Want A Job In Portland…

1. Don’t be like everyone else- including not being like everyone else.
One of the first pieces of advice I got on coming to Portland was to make myself memorable to interviewers- dressing uniquely, bringing samples of work, etc. This works great… unless everyone else is dressing weird and being crazy too. Eventually, I realized- this was Portland. I was from NEW JERSEY. So I put on my best suit, carefully picked out a tie, carried 3 copies of my resume to each interview in a briefcase, and looked every interviewer in the eye with a smile and firm handshake.
You can be as weird as you want- and sometimes the weirdest thing you can be is a professional.

Granted, a guy from Jersey showing up in a suit can have mixed messages…

2. Respect time- theirs, AND yours.
When I worked at a Scout camp in Barnegat, I was taught a simple rule about respecting time- “If you are 15 minutes early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, you’re screwed.”
Hiring someone new is extremely costly- not just in time spent training, but in time spent interviewing and getting back to candidates that could be used more productively. Always respect your interviewers time, and come early.
By the same token, do not devalue YOUR time. If you want to be treated like a professional, BE one. Apparently, out here in Portland, it is common for employers to interview people and simply never get back in contact with them if they don’t wish to hire them. Anyone who has been on a job hunt knows that a job seeker is applying to many places at once, and crucial decisions may hinge on feedback from employers. Do not tolerate people that disrespect you or your time.

Seriously, it’s just common friggin’ decency…

3. Job hunting IS a job.
Yes, the pay sucks, but make no mistake about it. I am firing off resumes to jobs daily. I am searching my email for replies, filling my schedule around interviews and stages, and baking regularly to keep my skills up. That is DEFINTELY work. Don’t get down on yourself- if you’re trying to find work, you’re not a bum. You’re WORKING.
If you figure out how to remind yourself of this at all times, tell me how. My girlfriend will thank you.

4. Take time off now and again.
Like every job, sometimes you need time off. As my friend Karen said, “Life is a balance between making it happen and letting it happen.” Many aspects of this process are not in your control. Remember to take some time to NOT think about it. Read books that have been sitting on your shelf for ages. Watch movies you’ve been putting off forever because you had to be up in the morning. Take up new hobbies or challenges that working kept you away from before. Don’t be a slacker, but don’t be a workaholic either.
One of the best things you can do is learn new skills or refine old ones- you never know what a future employer might find useful.

Yeah, THIS ain’t happening once I get 4 AM shifts again…

5. Reach Out To EVERYONE.
Don’t shy away from talking to people or introducing yourself to anyone. You never know who might know somebody who knows somebody who might need someone like you. Just one personal connection can carry more weight with an employer than any CV you’d care to write.
Take advantage of any groups or connections you might have- religious groups, civic organizations, social clubs, whatever. The more eyes and ears you have looking out for you in the job market, the better- even more so if one of them can slip your resume to the top of the pile on someone’s desk.

That dude you met at the coffee shop with the pizza-baking brother? CALL HIM.

Good luck to all you job-seekers out there. I’ll advise you all of my progress as well- truly I am a stranger in a strange land, but I’m slowly grokking the area.

Stay Classy,

P.S.- Bonus points to everyone that got that last bit.

Westward, Ho….ly crap!

October 8, 2015 / The Black Hat Baker

Good evening, friends and neighbors!

Last week, I did a quick “Where Am I Now.” Long story short: I live in Portland Oregon.

Stuff like this tends to happen.

I’ve now been in the city for a little over a month. The small apartment that my girlfriend and I live in has started to feel less like a hotel room and more like home. We have met some of the local folks, found a local bar, local cafe, preferred local supermarket (or supermarkets)… all the things that come with joining a neighborhood.

Still working on JOINING the neighborhood though… trolley service doesn’t get out this far.

Since I’ve been out here, my main goals have been:

1. Finding a new job, or working out the “how” of starting my own.

2. Making the apartment feel as homey and comfortable as possible.

3. Exploring and trying as much as time/money allows me.

The entire time, a part of me has been incredulous- wondering how long I can make this last. Asking every day, “How long until I wake up?”

“Why should you, Matt? Why not relax and enjoy the ride?”

I’ve dreamed of driving cross-country since I was in high school. It was painted out for me in the pages of Kerouac’s “On the Road” and “Dharma Bums” and Steinbeck’s “Travels With Charlie.”

I figured I’d get some money together, buy an old bus, rip the seats out, through in some mattresses, and grab some friends to tour the country with- like rejected extras from “Hair.”

What actually happened?Over the course of two weeks, my girlfriend and I sold/stored/gave away half of our junk, packed the rest in a trailer and the back of my Jeep, and drove a trucker route in a bee-line across the country. 15 hours on the road a day, stopping for food, gas, and sleep, and listening to Podcasts and books on tape the whole way.

(As an aside, if you were wondering, we are both huge fans of “Welcome to Night Vale” and “The Splendid Table,” and we listened to “Skewed” by Anne McAneny. They are highly recommended.)

“Where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful…” We saw a bunch of places like that- no literal five-headed dragons though. Click to see what I’m talking about.

So now we find ourselves in Portland.

It is a food WONDERLAND. The sheer number of food outlets and variety of cuisines is absolutely mind-boggling. In the first week, I found places specializing in Szechuan, Manchurian, Mongolian, Vietnamese, Thai, Lebanese, North African, Gluten-Free, Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo, Pita Sandwiches, generic Indian, Sushi, Ramen, Izikaya, Karage, and more.

(Interestingly, the only thing that seems to be lacking is Jewish deli and bakery.)

Nu? So there can’t be signs of life EVERYWHERE.

It is a beer and spirit paradise as well- dozens of microbreweries in the Portland area alone, and all offering (from what I’ve been able to taste so far) libations of incredible quality and variety- Rogue, Deschutes, Ninkasi, Fat Head, not to mention beers brought in from Hawaii and Asia that don’t normally make it to the East Coast. You will run out of liver before you run out of beer to try.

Culture-wise, the word of the day is PASSION. Everyone is a die-hard something or other. Artists, cooks, bakers, writers, thinkers, dreamers-everyone seems to have come to this city with the same goal: Go balls to the walls doing something they love, and either live doing it or die doing it. You can see it in the genuinely earnest faces on the bus and train (an excellent way of getting around if you lack a bike.)

This is a vehicle in Portland, and they will NOT LET YOU FORGET IT.

Yes, the hipsters run wild out here- scenesters after the next hip thing, coming to the city to be seen and pretend not to see. The city is also not entirely a paradise- there are homeless camped in parks and stoops, and the most rampant crime is larceny (appropriately enough, bike theft.)

Pro Tip- if you steal someone’s bike out here, DON’T LET THEM FIND YOU.

To be sure though, it’s a strange and new breath of fresh air out here. The rule seems to be “have fun, but don’t be stupid- at least not dangerously so.” The locals seem to know and feel this rule by heart, and are very kind to a pair of uptight Jersey kids figuring it out.

What follows is, without exaggeration or sarcasm, honest-to-God advice I have received from locals here on how to get a job.

So You Want To Get A Culinary Job In Portland…

1. Be tattooed.

“Believe it or not, you are probably more likely to GET a job around here if you are tattooed, particularly in a service industry like you are. Most professional chefs around here have ink, and besides creating a link between you and helping you through the ‘getting to know you’ phase, it demonstrates passion and seriousness about your work.” – Joe, tattoo artist with a varied professional clientele.

2. Do/ Be Something Strange.

“No lie, you want a job around here? Just show up and ask. Don’t call ahead. People around here hate paperwork- you’re more likely to get a call back if you show up, tell people you’re a baker, bring samples, and just drop a resume. Culture around here moves so fast, you do what you can so people remember you.” – Waiter at a nearby bistro.

3. No Drama.

“If you write a cover letter, don’t bother kissing ass about the company or listing your achievements- hirers sniff out lip service, and that s*^&’s in your resume. Be blunt and honest- tell people you don’t gossip, don’t do drama, and are there to do your work and leave. Honesty is refreshing.” – A local chef.

4. But Be Mannerly and Polite.

“I don’t need anyone, but I’ll tell you who might. Just show up like you did here- you look great, you sound great, and your resume is immaculate. You’ll have no trouble finding a job.” – A local chef that plugged me to her vast network of associates when I applied for a job.

That seems to be the big take-home lesson out here- Be honest, be weird, and be passionate. Do that for a month or so, and you’re as good as family.

Till next week…

Stay Weird AND Classy,

Hello Again

October 1, 2015 / The Black Hat Baker

So, to start off with..

I’M IN PORTLAND!

From rantslifestyle.com

Yeah, a LOT has happened since I last posted- how much your life can change in the space of 30 minutes, the fulfillment of a high school dream, and leaving an old life on the other side of the country, walking into a new place with barely anything but ideas.

I’ve been in Portland for nearly 3 weeks now, and I STILL am not entirely sure how to write down everything that has happened and might happen next, but I’m damn well gonna try.

It all started with a phone call…
A while back, my girlfriend had applied for a job here in Portland. It was a very promising job, and she was a very promising candidate. We looked forward to moving, and started making some cursory plans… but then the job went to someone else.
We were both disappointed of course, but resolved to get on with our lives and make things happen our own way. My good friend Chef Joe Muldoon offered a part-time position as his dessert chef and the opportunity to write a new dessert menu, and my girlfriend took on more teaching hours.
Then, one weekend last month, we were both just about to go our separate ways and head to work.
Then Emily saw that she had a voicemail waiting.

Oh hell….

It was the job in Portland. The candidate they picked backed out- could she be in Portland that week for training?

The next day, we gave our respective bosses two weeks notice… because to get her out here in time, that’s all we had.

Two weeks later…
We had given away, sold, or stored half of our belongings, and the rest was packed into my Jeep and a U-Haul trailer. In the wee hours of Labor Day morning, Em and I started our four-day cross country trip.

“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life” – Jack Kerouac, On The Road

Movin’ Right Along…
A cross-country road trip had been a dream of mine since high school, when I first read Kerouac’s On The Road and The Dharma Bums. We picked a straight-shot trucking route that sent us shooting straight through the upper middle of America.

We drove roughly 15 hours a day, switching every time we had to fill the tank, and stopping only for fuel, food, and sleep. My only regret is our deadline- we didn’t really have time to stop anywhere and sightsee, although there were incredible things all the way along. Perhaps later on, if you guys are interested, I’ll write a bit more about the trip, but for an entry already running long, that’s enough.

So What’s Happening Now?

Em and I have a little apartment in southeast Portland, near the town of Beaverton.
Em works and loves her new job teaching piano, and I am still looking for employment. In the meantime, I am being Suzy Homemaker- baking, cooking, and doing household work.

Once I have gotten the hang of the city and it’s culture a bit more, I’ll write about it. I’m in no hurry though- there is a LOT to see and try.

“What’s to become of the Black Hat Bakery?” That’s another big question that has been on my mind… but I’m sure I’ll come up with an answer I- and a lot of other folks- will enjoy.

In the meantime, I’m still here. I still have stuff to talk about, and a lot more…

Stay Classy,
BHB